Journal 02: Jealously

I searched for jealousy as my keyword in Google: why do people jealous? Then I found that jealousy is caused by feelings of low self-esteem or lack of confidence. It can happen when someone is unhappy with themselves and has insecurity. To against it, we need to feel that we are enough and content with our life. We also need to enrich our confidence and know our worth.

Well, I am the one who feels jealous quite often. I’m jealous of girls that are pretty close to my boyfriend, and I’m jealous of my friends that can go abroad easily when I’m struggling to fund my very little money to buy an Ipad. The feeling of jealousy makes me think why was I born to be who I am? Or, instead of contemplating how poor I am to be human, why don’t I just try to fight for my dream? Why am I so lazy?

Maybe I just need to meditate and contemplate with myself. To be honest, I already feel that I’m too hard on myself. I also rarely talk to myself—really different from two years ago (I really put more than an hour into talking with myself). I really need that now.

I may also need to reduce my time to scrolling my social media. The stories or photo that people show me on their social media really makes me feel so not enough. I need to make my rhythm in my productivity. Not all productivities connect to a hustle life. Aint you agree with me? We can just be writing our journals, have a little walk with our pets in the neighborhood, just do what we like, and call it productivity.

Anyway, I remember that before I named this blog Magical Believe, I named it Peaceful Thoughts. So, I think I need to be peaceful like my blog's previous name.

And I think I need to buy self-help books. BUT, I do have not enough money. Bye.

P.S. Semester holiday is the month of jealousy because I saw a lot of my friends go abroad and I just sit/lay down in my room, and do nothing.